Tuesday, July 10, 2018

His Strength Is Perfect


So in honor of my almost three year hibernation from blogging, I thought I'd focus on one of my favorite things, besides writing:

Music has been a part of my life for as far back as I can remember, which funny thing, is not that much. I have a memory of a goldfish so most of my childhood is a blur when I try to recall events, lol. The one thing I do remember is always listening to music in our house. Even now, half of the time (okay, all of the time) I can't seem to focus without it. In fact, I was just having a conversation with a friend earlier today about feeling like I'm floating all over the place and how I'm trying to work on being more grounded. I thought music did that for me. It was like it connected me back to myself, which was why I was usually listening to something whenever I needed to focus, like with writing. I would get the most words when that happened and I was at my calmest when I heard music or even sang it.

So today after work, I got home and started singing off key like on any typical day, lol. But today was one of those days that I also inadvertently started humming a random song that wasn't on my usual playlist. I know the song now, but when it first made its appearance a few months ago, I didn't recognize the wordless tune. It was pretty and felt familiar but it didn't click instantly. Maybe because I was too exhausted at the time, both mentally, physically and emotionally, from work. But thankfully, I was saved from that annoying feeling I get when I can't remember something and the words to the chorus I'd been humming poured out of me:


And with those words came a memory from my childhood where I was about six or seven. I remembered my mother next to the stereo listening to this song by CeCe Winans. I remembered her hands gripping the stereo stand that it was on as she leaned toward it. It was almost like she was trying to absorb the words inside of her by getting as close as she could to the stereo. She needed that song. I didn't understand why but I do now since I guess I subconsciously did the same thing. I had brought out that song from my scattered memories because I needed it. 

When times got tough, my mother turned to God and music to save her. After she'd listen to a few songs and she'd sing to God, she was better. He took whatever worries or burdens she had and gave her peace. The music didn't just ground her, God being her audience did. Because of that memory, I started to remember others; memories where we would have our jam sessions to God. It brought me back to a time where things were hard but we still managed to sing through them.

I didn't realize how badly I needed to remember that song. I didn't realize how badly I needed to connect with those words. I didn't realize how much I needed something to hold on to until I broke down crying at the memories. And now? Now whenever I start humming one of my random blast from the past songs, I smile and if I remember the words, I sing. And I keep singing, even when I feel like no one else will want to listen to my horrible singing. I sing because I know that I will always have my audience of one.

I just wanted to take a moment to say that. When it feels like your journey has been long and hard, or when you feel like life is against you and you're at your end, I hope you can remember to stop and sing to God. Let your troubles float up to him in song, and allow him to ground you again. ♥♥♥

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